For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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