Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
50% drunk capacity currently
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
