My liver just broke up with me...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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