my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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