i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
