Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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