i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
