if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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