i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
