Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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