all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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