i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
