So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
