I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize