I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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