maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
