Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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