She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
