I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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