Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
