so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
