I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
