he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
