it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
