Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
