Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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