is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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