Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
