O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
