I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
