I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
