a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
