My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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