Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
honey bunches of taint.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
