Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize