i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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