I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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