im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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