Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
