Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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