Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
