I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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