Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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