Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
