just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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