So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dicks are not precious.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
