guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
