Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ketchup is God's man juice
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
