I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
