god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
