mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
