if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
