I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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