It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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