you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
