And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
