dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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