Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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