I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
