just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
