Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
