wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
