You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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