I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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