Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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