Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
