I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
