i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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