I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
