I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize