Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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