don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
